👧🏼 How old are your babies?

Mollie is 7, Penelope my step daughter is 6 and poppy is 19 months.

👧🏼 How is it having two families together?

It was difficult at first as mollie and penelope where very used to being only children and having all our attention, but over time it has got so much better and they now act like sisters.
When I was pregnant with poppy I was really unsure on how things would go but I didn’t need to be worried as poppy has brought us all together as one big family its so lovely.

👧🏼 Any tips? What has or hasn’t worked for you guys?

A good routine is key especially at poppy’s age. The 4 I stick by is bath, book,milk and bed, going to bed the same time evey night. It does take a week or so to get into a routine but so worth it when it works and they sleep through the night.
Make time for yourself even if its a long soak in the bath but also make time as a couple yes we are parents but also a couple aswell.
I’d also say that bringing a baby home when you have older children can be difficult as baby takes alot of your attention so get the older children involved, just by simple small things like helping choose babys outfit or helping change baby it does make a big difference and the older children feel involved.

👧🏼 How do you juggle work and caring for the bambino’s?

The bags under my eyes say it all haha
It’s non stop, tiring, I’m not going to sugar coat it, it’s hard but again I live by a good routine.
We have amazing help from grandparents and a lovely childminder plus after school club which helps us juggle work and the kids.
Sometimes it does get to me that I work just to pay for childcare and the fact I miss out on alot at home but I just have to remind myself that I’m working so I can provide for my children.

👧🏼 Having poppy during lockdown must have been super hard, did you learn anything from that time? Anything you have carried with you and still do?

It was soo difficult, with mollie I was really social went to lots of baby classes and made lots new friends. Unfortunately with poppy I was unable to do that due to the situation and online classes just wasn’t the same.
I learnt that going to see my friends and family I took for granted.
I learnt that I’m stronger than I thought I was and I’m a very good multitasker (looking after a new born and home schooling at the same time, not sure how I managed it but we did it)
But I also learnt that it’s okay to feel rubbish sometimes and to talk openly about it really helped and I still do talk openly about how I feel that’s really helped me.

👧🏼 What were some of the most useful things you bought in that first year?

The tommee tippee prep machine if your bottle feeding. It’s the one item you won’t regret purchasing.
A good baby carrier/ sling is so helpfull around the house and when out and about.

👧🏼 Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

A water birth, wish I had one of those.

👧🏼 What parts of parenting have you struggled with? And which parts do you think you’re amazing at?

I struggle with the mum guilt of going to work especially now mollie is older she notices I’m not around as much as I once was. Especially coming out of lockdown and going to work again she was so used to me being home all the time.
I also have really struggled with co parenting, it has been a long and difficult road.
No-one is perfect and as a parent I feel like every day you learn something new but i feel like I’m good at keeping calm and positive and making sure the time I do spend with the kids is quality time.

👧🏼 What advice would you give to new parents?

Your doing a great job and whoever says parenting is easy they are lying haha.
It is hard at times and the sleepless nights can feel relentless but the good out weighs the more difficult times. When they have there first smile, first step or when they just give you a big cuddle you realise it’s all worth it.
Rememeber you need to look after yourself as well so accept help, if your partner offers to help or if grandparents offer to help then accept the help because that half an hour of help while you go for a bath or just to chill can make all the difference on how you feel.

Mum to a beautiful girly, my previous deputy manager in a childcare centre, a ball breaker and an educator! She speaks openly and honestly about everything in life and parenthood is no different.

👶🏼 Is parenthood what you expected?

Well it’s 50-50 what I thought it would be. In the early days I thought I’d be able to handle the lack of sleep better than I did. But man did I underestimate how that would feel! I felt exhausted beyond belief for months and then as soon as I got kind of used to it, that phase changed so we moved through and into a different phase.

I also didn’t experience the ‘rush of love’ that you’re told about so often when you’ve given birth and lay your eyes on your baby for the first time. But I felt like I already knew her, I just felt the most complete that I think I’ve ever felt.

👶🏼 What challenges did you face?

In the early days even through pregnancy I found the health professionals the most challenging part. Once they knew that my background was in childcare, they would often tell me that I ‘would know what to do’ and that made me feel clueless and silly asking for advice or help from anybody except from my mum or very close friends. That was something that really threw me and was unexpected.

With that in mind what I learnt was, if it felt right and she was happy that’s exactly what I did.

I tried to adjust to each phase too because it can feel daunting and never-ending but it passes and then a new one begins. I always slightly mourn the end of each phase as it passes. I’m 10 years in and this is still true, I remind myself to notice the changes in Iris because all too soon, they are gone.

👶🏼 What has surprised you the most about parenthood?

The relationship that I have built with Iris, I truly believe that you get what you put in and together we have a relationship that is honest, strong and completely full of love. I invest time in her, I indulge her passions and interests and I teach her about the importance of having these solid fundamental expectations of every relationship she enters into.

👶🏼 Would you say that’s what you’re most proud of?

Yes, I feel I’m doing a good job (on most days) at building a healthy relationship between us.

👶🏼 What advice were you given that really stuck with you?

The advice that resonated with me the most was given when I was very pregnant, I was showing a prospective family around doing a nursery that I was working in at the time. The parent chatted about her own children and experiences then said to me, very matter-of-fact, ‘just remember we are the only mammal not to sleep with our young’. I was 100% against co-sleeping, it was just a hard no for me, but the more I thought about the comment I just couldn’t shake it. So, when she needed me I was there, even if it meant co-sleeping for some period of time. I don’t mean in my bed every night from birth (which is absolutely fine if that’s what you choose), I mean her Moses basket next to my bed, my hand and reach of her and sometimes she would sleep safely in my arms- I attribute some of our closeness to this.

👶🏼 What are your favourite things to do with iris?

My favourite things to do with Iris to have a bath together and a full on pampering night. We have face masks, I give her a massage and then let her fall asleep with me, and even now at 10 she still loves this and always says it’s her best sleep. And I get to watch her fall asleep.

👶🏼 Have you got a memorable funny moment?

I remember Iris was having a bath with her cousin,I had turned to get the towels for them ,and my neice said that she loved drawing on the tiles with the bath crayons- we didn’t have any bath crayons! Iris had pooed in the bath and they were using it to decorate the bathroom!

👶🏼 How do you find time for yourself?

Finding time for yourself its one of those things I think is underrated and can be the cause of resentment in the adult relationships. I would use a bath in the evening as my time when Iris was younger and I would look forward to an hour of silence all day. Now she’s more independent I tell her and my husband when I need some time he holds the fort, and I retreat somewhere quiet.

👶🏼 You’ve recently got married but before this you were a single parent. What would you say was the hardest part of that time?

The hardest part of being a single parent, well there was so many difficult parts. I felt the biggest guilt I’ve ever felt making the decision to end the relationship. The journey Iris and I went on together after that, was at best, painful. She can still, even after six years, talk about those early days. One day I’ll have the conversation with her and she’ll understand why, but now we talk about the importance of happiness and healthy relationships and why it’s more important sometimes to be apart and happy.

I really missed having someone there to share the joy of the little things. How beautiful her first morning smile was or how I’d catch her singing to her dolls, I’d turn around and remember no one was there to smile about it with. So, I’d swallow the words and it would be silent, that was really hard for me.

👶🏼 What were you major anxieties and how have these changed with time?

The early anxieties I had were about my ability to be able to protect her. I guess that’s still a factor but now I worry more about whether I’m guiding her in the right direction, that I’m instilling in her the confidence and knowledge to know that she can be who she wants and to know and trust her own mind. I’m not an expert in those things so I just guide her and I reassure her and I hope that I’m doing it right.

👶🏼 What would you say is the most important thing to spend money on?

I have quite a hard rule that spending money comes an absolute 2nd to spending time. That’s a priority to me. Time is the most important expense as you never get that back.

Thank you my beautiful friend, a lot of this bought tears to my eyes and I found really relatable, I’m sure others will too.

👶🏼Work life hours you both work?

I’m still on Mat leave returning to work 3 days a week in October. My partner works full time.

👶🏼Is parenthood what you expected?

Yes and No. Yes with regard to the love I expected to feel for my baby but no in terms of the steep learning curve that has come with parenthood.

👶🏼 How have you perspectives and priorities changed?

Rían is now my number one priority and I see the world differently through this lens. This relates to everything from how I chose to spend my time and money to the decisions I make about work, the future and day to day life.

👶🏼 What do you feel like you’re doing amazingly at/good at?

Consistently offering my son love and comfort when he needs it.

👶🏼What advice have you been given that you took on board or really resonated?

Comparison is the thief of joy!

👶🏼 Is there anything you miss from before you became a parent?

Sleep in’s, alone time, exercising every day and the freedom you have before parenthood that you don’t really appreciate until you’re a parent.

👶🏼How do you cope with sleep deprivation?

It was the consistent sleep deprivation that got me. There’s always going to be bad nights but when every night is a bad night it has a massive impact. After a 7 night hospital stay Rían’s sleeping habits took a nose dive. Once he was fully well, we got hot help and it was a total game changer for all of us

👶🏼 How long did rian sleep in the crib next to your bed? When did you move him out and any tips?

We moved Rían to his own room at 6months.I think the most important thing is that you feel ready and that you think it’s the right move for your family. Rían was sleeping through the night at this stage so it made sense for us as I wasn’t needing to fed overnight anymore and we were disturbing him getting into bed. I actually thought it would be a harder transition than it was, Rían and I navigated it better than I expected and it was all pretty smooth sailing.

👶🏼What has impressed you the most about your partner?

All the emotion being a Dad has brought out in him, he’s becoming a bit of a sensitive soul like me!

-👶🏼How do you find time for yourself?

By staying up late!

-👶🏼 Do you have any worries or anxieties?

Oh plenty, I’ve always been a worrier but parenthood has really amped this trait up a notch!

👶🏼How do you overcome your anxieties?

Honestly I don’t. I’ve sort of learned to live with them and know things that I can do that will make them more manageable and help me to cope with them. I’m a planner and like to be organised this helps me feel more at ease and makes things more manageable for me.

👶🏼What’s been your most used item?

White noise machine!

👶🏼What do you hope to instill in your child or teach them?

I want Rían to believe in himself and to be brave enough to try things. I hope for him to be kind, curious, resilient and happy in his own skin.

👶🏼 What’s been the best advice you were given?

It’s all been so conflicting! The best advice has probably come in being directed towards the right people when we needed support and that has mostly come from my Maternal Child Health Nurse. I’ve been so lucky in having a wonderful nurse.

👶🏼 Are there any traditions from your childhood that you hope to continue?

New PJ’s and family time on Christmas Eve and watching the Late Late Toy Show every-year (it’s an Irish thing!)

👶🏼 How are you coping with the lockdowns, what is getting you through?

I have to say as tough as they are I imagine they’d be a whole lot harder with an active toddler than they are with a baby. Making sure to leave the house everyday and remembering to be grateful for all the good in my life.

👶🏼Is there anything you do to keep in contact with people at home? Anything other than FaceTime?

I’m not a big fan of face time and scheduled catch ups, I’m more likely to try give someone an impromptu call but mostly I’m a messenger, a lengthy one! I also try and make an effort to remember and mark people’s birthdays.

👶🏼How do you cope with being far away from your family anid friends?

By trying not to think about it and making time to stay in touch with all those I love back home.

👶🏼What have you found the hardest thing about your parenting journey?

Doing this without my family close by, the sleep deprivation of those first few months and the constant thinking and worrying about the tiny person that has become the centre of my entire universe 💛