Mum to a beautiful girly, my previous deputy manager in a childcare centre, a ball breaker and an educator! She speaks openly and honestly about everything in life and parenthood is no different.
👶🏼 Is parenthood what you expected?
Well it’s 50-50 what I thought it would be. In the early days I thought I’d be able to handle the lack of sleep better than I did. But man did I underestimate how that would feel! I felt exhausted beyond belief for months and then as soon as I got kind of used to it, that phase changed so we moved through and into a different phase.
I also didn’t experience the ‘rush of love’ that you’re told about so often when you’ve given birth and lay your eyes on your baby for the first time. But I felt like I already knew her, I just felt the most complete that I think I’ve ever felt.
👶🏼 What challenges did you face?
In the early days even through pregnancy I found the health professionals the most challenging part. Once they knew that my background was in childcare, they would often tell me that I ‘would know what to do’ and that made me feel clueless and silly asking for advice or help from anybody except from my mum or very close friends. That was something that really threw me and was unexpected.
With that in mind what I learnt was, if it felt right and she was happy that’s exactly what I did.
I tried to adjust to each phase too because it can feel daunting and never-ending but it passes and then a new one begins. I always slightly mourn the end of each phase as it passes. I’m 10 years in and this is still true, I remind myself to notice the changes in Iris because all too soon, they are gone.
👶🏼 What has surprised you the most about parenthood?
The relationship that I have built with Iris, I truly believe that you get what you put in and together we have a relationship that is honest, strong and completely full of love. I invest time in her, I indulge her passions and interests and I teach her about the importance of having these solid fundamental expectations of every relationship she enters into.
👶🏼 Would you say that’s what you’re most proud of?
Yes, I feel I’m doing a good job (on most days) at building a healthy relationship between us.
👶🏼 What advice were you given that really stuck with you?
The advice that resonated with me the most was given when I was very pregnant, I was showing a prospective family around doing a nursery that I was working in at the time. The parent chatted about her own children and experiences then said to me, very matter-of-fact, ‘just remember we are the only mammal not to sleep with our young’. I was 100% against co-sleeping, it was just a hard no for me, but the more I thought about the comment I just couldn’t shake it. So, when she needed me I was there, even if it meant co-sleeping for some period of time. I don’t mean in my bed every night from birth (which is absolutely fine if that’s what you choose), I mean her Moses basket next to my bed, my hand and reach of her and sometimes she would sleep safely in my arms- I attribute some of our closeness to this.
👶🏼 What are your favourite things to do with iris?
My favourite things to do with Iris to have a bath together and a full on pampering night. We have face masks, I give her a massage and then let her fall asleep with me, and even now at 10 she still loves this and always says it’s her best sleep. And I get to watch her fall asleep.
👶🏼 Have you got a memorable funny moment?
I remember Iris was having a bath with her cousin,I had turned to get the towels for them ,and my neice said that she loved drawing on the tiles with the bath crayons- we didn’t have any bath crayons! Iris had pooed in the bath and they were using it to decorate the bathroom!
👶🏼 How do you find time for yourself?
Finding time for yourself its one of those things I think is underrated and can be the cause of resentment in the adult relationships. I would use a bath in the evening as my time when Iris was younger and I would look forward to an hour of silence all day. Now she’s more independent I tell her and my husband when I need some time he holds the fort, and I retreat somewhere quiet.
👶🏼 You’ve recently got married but before this you were a single parent. What would you say was the hardest part of that time?
The hardest part of being a single parent, well there was so many difficult parts. I felt the biggest guilt I’ve ever felt making the decision to end the relationship. The journey Iris and I went on together after that, was at best, painful. She can still, even after six years, talk about those early days. One day I’ll have the conversation with her and she’ll understand why, but now we talk about the importance of happiness and healthy relationships and why it’s more important sometimes to be apart and happy.
I really missed having someone there to share the joy of the little things. How beautiful her first morning smile was or how I’d catch her singing to her dolls, I’d turn around and remember no one was there to smile about it with. So, I’d swallow the words and it would be silent, that was really hard for me.
👶🏼 What were you major anxieties and how have these changed with time?
The early anxieties I had were about my ability to be able to protect her. I guess that’s still a factor but now I worry more about whether I’m guiding her in the right direction, that I’m instilling in her the confidence and knowledge to know that she can be who she wants and to know and trust her own mind. I’m not an expert in those things so I just guide her and I reassure her and I hope that I’m doing it right.
👶🏼 What would you say is the most important thing to spend money on?
I have quite a hard rule that spending money comes an absolute 2nd to spending time. That’s a priority to me. Time is the most important expense as you never get that back.
Thank you my beautiful friend, a lot of this bought tears to my eyes and I found really relatable, I’m sure others will too.
The Parenting Tales 